3 Things I Learned When I Chopped my Hair
I am in a constant cycle and it goes a little something like this:
Grow hair as long as possible and feel like you’re unstoppable.
Get super sick of long hair, stop doing anything with it, only wear it in a ponytail.
Consider cutting your hair but then worry that you’re immediately going to regret it.
Finally work up the nerve to cut your hair and immediately regret it and miss your long hair.
This is how it always goes. It has been the same old story since I was 16 years old. Every so often I cut it and then spend the next 4 or 5 years trying to grow it back.
A couple of weeks ago I finally reached step 4 and chopped my hair. Only this time was different. This time I think I added a step 5.
5. Realize that you are more than your hair, and that you can actually love yourself with short hair and with long hair.
A couple of weeks ago I made the decision to chop off 9 inches of hair. I know that sounds like a lot - and it is - but my hair is definitely not short by any means. It feels short to me, but I would say that it’s probably actually more like a medium/long length. I mean, I can still put it in a high pony; I’ve got lots of hair.
Cutting my hair has taught me a couple of things:
My identity is tied in way too strongly with my hair.
For my entire life I have struggled with insecurity. I have struggled with my identity and viewing myself as a fearfully and wonderfully made child of God. Instead I look at myself and see everything that I wish was different. I had wished that my teeth were straighter, I had wanted my teeth to be whiter, I have a SLIGHTLY deviated septum so I wish my nose was straighter, I’ve struggled so much with acne and the remaining scarring, and man oh man do I wish that I was thinner! My hair was always the thing that I felt secure in and without realizing it, my hair had become a security blanket. It has always been long and dark and incredibly thick. Seriously guys - I have so much hair. My hairdressers always complimented on my hair and how it could do things that nobody else’s hair could do and I felt good. I was looking for affirmation in places other than God and my hair was one of the only things that provided that affirmation. So when my hair wasn’t long and flowing and dark - who was I? What did I have going for me?
I’m thankful that God grows us and challenges us and reminds us again and again who we are in Him instead of leaving us the way we are. I’m thankful that I am more than a nice head of hair and that regardless of whether my hair is long or short or blue or brown (or that really gross ombre that I tried to do myself) that I am of value because of who Christ says that I am.
Fresh starts can be healthy.
I have never loved the idea of starting over. I feel like I have become quite good at fresh starts and while I do like change, my heart is at a place where it really longs for stability and my brain has started to associate starting over with negative memories. There have been so many times that God has called me towards some things new and I have dug in my heels because I’m scared, or I’m comfortable, or I really like where I am now. However, nowhere have I read in the Bible that God wants us to stay the same. Sometimes God is calling us out of where we were because where he wants to take us is so much better.
When you think that you can do your hair by yourself without a stylist - you can’t.
Oh how I wish that this wasn’t true. I have done so many things to my hair believing that I am secretly a hair stylist and I cringe each and every time I look back at the pictures. Did my hair fall out? No. Did it look like it should have? Yep! I have dyed my hair so many different colours, cut it so many lengths, and even shaved the side of it off at one point. Now that I’ve cut my hair off I have realized how extremely thankful I am for my stylist who makes my hair look healthy and fresh each time! I would also like to take a minute to apologize to her for how difficult I make her job each time she has to fix everything I’ve done!
