What Does it Mean to be an Introvert?
Okay guys, this might turn into a little bit of a rant, so I’m warning you all now.
This morning I was engaging in a discussion and the topic of introverts came up. As people shared it became evident that some of them viewed introverts as shy, withdrawn, quiet, almost anti-social individuals. I ended up leaving this discussion frustrated and asking myself “Does nobody know what an introvert is?” As soon as I got to my office I immediately took to the internet - the ultimate source of authority - to find out what it means to be an introvert.
And for those of you (like me) who don’t know what the word reticent means :
*I especially like how they’ve included “wouldn’t say boo to a goose!”
More frustration.
Here’s the thing - I most definitely identify as an introvert. To the point that I wrote an entire blog post on it a couple of years ago. (You can read it here if you want!) As an introvert, I wouldn’t call myself shy, distant, diffident, or a lot of the other words found in this definition. In fact, they kind of offend me and make me feel misunderstood and put in a box.
So what does it mean to be introverted? Maybe dictionary.com is right and I’m just completely out to lunch? Or maybe there’s more to it?
As I understand it, being an introvert vs. an extrovert has much more to do with how you rest and recharge than it does with whether you are shy or outgoing. I know extroverts who love to be around people and need to be in social settings to recharge but are shy and quiet, and I know plenty of introverts who LOVE people and are extremely expressive but need to be alone to feel rested. I would even say that I am one of these introverts. I am an extremely social introvert.
Depending on the day and so many other factors my introversion can look very different, however, when I am with people, I generally behave in one of two ways:
If I have the energy, I am friendly, animated and engaging.
If I am feeling overwhelmed, drained or out of my element, I am more quiet and reserved.
The people who meet me in scenario #1 assume that I am an extrovert, and don’t know how to react when my introverted tendencies emerge.
Believe it or not, introverts can do the extrovert thing for a while, and we are actually pretty good at it. We can be the life of the party, host the networking event, and be the chairperson of the charity. We do this willingly, knowing that at the end of the day we can go home. We also know that when we get home, it may take hours, days, or weeks to replenish ourselves, and feel ready to do it again.
Shyness and introversion don't always go hand in hand. In fact, introverts generally enjoy socializing, while shy people or those with social anxiety may avoid the stress of social situations altogether. In today's extrovert-obsessed society, it's true many people view being quiet as a character flaw; it's not the case. Most people who are introverted think deeply, processing things differently to extroverts; introverts can be highly sensitive.
I’ve come to believe that being an introvert is not about shyness at all, it is an energy issue. Introverts need their own space to recharge and gain energy while extroverts draw their energy from other people. And the really cool thing is that no way is better than the other one. We need BOTH extroverts and introverts. God created us both and he loves us each!
So if you’re an introvert who’s ever felt bad about being an introvert - Van Gogh was an introvert. So were Michael Jordan, Eleanor Roosevelt, Meryl Streep, J.K Rowling, Rosa Parks, Elon Musk, and Google founder, Larry Page. Sometimes beautiful things can come from your sensitivity, creativity, and the way that you think and process things.
And if you’re an extrovert who’s struggling to understand your introverted friend remember this- It’s not that we are shy, or quiet, or any of that; we don’t even hate socializing, it’s just that we can’t do it every single day.